Dairy Queen

2%, 1%, skim, low-fat, fat-free, no-yolk, egg substitute – it’s confusing and a pain in the ass, especially if you’re trying to keep said ass under control. Is fat-free really better than low-fat? Are egg yolks deadly for your thighs? Put on your Pink Patch and read on – we’re about to hit the dairy aisle.

Dairy should definitely be part of your daily meals. It’s a wonderful source of protein and calcium, which are important for everyone, but for women especially. Unfortunately, dairy foods and products also contain high amounts of fat.

In fact, there’s no absolute rule when it comes to dieting and dairy. It really depends on the food itself, and your personal preference. Let’s begin:

Milk

Skim milk is the best option. It tastes great and retains all its protein and calcium. Another option? Soymilk. I highly recommend soymilk if you aren’t a big milk drinker – because it’s equally high in protein, and a much more economical choice. Soymilk isn’t actually dairy, so it keeps two and a half times longer than ordinary milk. If you only drink milk in your coffee and cereal, this might be a better choice. (Also, the majority of soymilks are fortified with calcium, so you won’t be sacrificing it – check the carton to make sure.)

Eggs

Ah yes, the great Yolk-or-No-Yolk Debate. Eggs, in their complete form, are diet safe, especially if you monitor your fat intake already. Eggs are not diet-killers. They’re good for you, PERIOD. However: if you want to be the most vigilant dieter ever, use egg whites only – they are all protein, while the yolk is all fat. Egg whites do need a serious flavor kick, and a bit of a boost in the filling-you-up department, so keep that in mind. Another option? Egg substitute, if you really, really, really absolutely must eliminate all forms of fat from your life.

Cheese

Here’s where things get dicey. Low-fat, not fat-free, is the way to go. Many dieting websites will tell you otherwise, but the truth is that non-fat cheese tastes like cardboard, and frankly, if that’s what you want, I suggest not eating any form of cheese at all. Why even bother? It's disgusting, and an abomination. I cannot sing the praises of low-fat cheese enough: it’s still got the great taste, great texture but for half the fat. BTW: low-fat cream cheese is called Neufchatel cheese, and it’s fabulous. For a more in depth discussion of cheese, check out "Cheese Gotta Have It?"

Yogurt

Fat-free all the way, babe. If you can’t find any on the shelf, then do low-fat. But for the life of me, I cannot tell the difference between fat-free yogurt, low-fat yogurt and full fat yogurt. Diet food recommendations don’t get much better than that. It’s creamy and delicious, can stand alone AND be used as a substitute for things like sour cream in pretty much any recipe.

Mayonnaise

Fat-free mayo? Ick. Ick ick ick. Low-fat is how to do it; as with cheese, low-fat mayo tastes almost exactly like ordinary mayo, for half the fat (only 5 grams). If you’re a Feminazi Fat Fighter, then use fat-free plain yogurt in mayo’s place.

Sour Cream

Non-fat, I guess. I mean, it’s cream – why really bother removing fat? I would simply use fat-free plain yogurt instead, especially since yogurt – even when it’s packed to the gills in fat grams – is better for you. But if you absolutely must, must, must have the consistency, then do non-fat. Taste and texture are fairly indistinguishable from the full fat version.

Butter

Yeah – not acceptable at all. I’m not sure reduced fat butter even exists, since butter is just fat. Use Pam Butter flavor for frying, sautéing and baking, butter substitutes (Smart Balance is a good one) for toast and muffins.