Back to School, Part 3: Up and Down

You’re doomed to gain 15 lbs your freshman year and that’s that. Right? I mean, it’s only, like, what happens as soon as you set foot on a campus, huh?

Ummm…no. The reason everyone warns you about the freshman 15 is because your weight will most likely fluctuate during the four years of college. Why? Because you spend most of your time reading books and writing papers and studying for exams – which means you spend most of your time sitting on your duff. Plus your main source of food is a f*ckin’ all-you-can-eat.

I never gained the Freshmen 15. Nope, it just didn’t happen. I gained the SENIOR 15, or more accurately, the Senior 30. No one ever talks about that, do they? Lots of things happen during the college years: stress, adjusting to a new environment, making new friends, finding your first love, breaking up with your first love, getting no sleep, sleeping too much, “experimentation”, and all those things you are deliberately vague about because you love your mother. ALL these things will affect your weight and your health. Allow me to reminisce:

During my freshmen year, my weight stayed the same it had been during high school. I wasn’t trying to lose weight or anything, I just didn’t change my eating habits. During my sophomore year, I lived in a commune with an overstocked kitchen AND I still had access to the dining hall: despite my brief (and half-hearted) attempt at becoming a vegan, I gained 7 lbs.

Then, in my junior year, I got mono, and lost about 20 lbs. If you think this was lucky, then I say to you: Don’t be an ass. It sucked, and I looked awful, because I weighed 105 lbs at 5’8”. Plus the mono gave me the worst raccoon eyes ever. And I almost flunked a class because, if you’re lucky enough to have never had it, mono makes you sleep 14 hours a day, and when you’re awake, you’re too exhausted to think.

Senior year: I felt like Jiggles McTubby. Why? I was taking 5 classes a semester, writing a thesis, working a job 20 hours a week, and scared sh*tless that I had forgotten some sort of minute technicality that would prevent me from graduating. And I lived across the street from a 24-hour deli that served the best deep-fried turkey and Brie sandwich ever.

Voila: I gained 30 lbs in two months. Nothing goes with Feminist Screen Theory, the Art of Literary Critique, and utter panic like a fried Brie sandwich. Also, I think the mono made my body freak and think I’d been starving in the desert or something, so it was ready to pad all my padding double what it had been in high school – and pretty damn quick, too.

I lost the weight after I graduated. It was the first time I’d ever really tried to do it. I started walking as much as possible, and I went vegan, for real this time (vegan = no eggs, cheese, milk, or meat of any kind). I began drinking about 3 liters of water every day. And after about 3 months (heh – the Pink Patch hadn’t come out yet), I lost 15 lbs. I’ve remained at this weight ever since. But I’m no longer vegan, thank god. I just love food too much to deprive myself of it.

The point is, many things will happen in college that can make you gain or lose weight. This is where the Pink Patch comes in: while many things will change, the Pink Patch won’t – and it can help shepherd you through one of the most trying and incredible times in your life.