Merry Christmas!

Happy Chanukah!

Happy Homemaker: Flab Busters and Fat Blasters

I can’t believe I’m writing about housework. Not because of some sort of reactionary feminist instinct, but because I think I missed the Martha Stewart gene that women are supposedly born with. At the age of 25, I’m certainly better than I was at 16 – but this has to do with a former rodent problem (cats and cleaning are the answers, which inevitably leads to disposing of rat corpses, since the dumb things take a few days to figure out that Kitty Has Claws). 

ANYWAY. Since it’s freezing cold and the snow is piling up (here in NYC), and I’ve been sitting on the couch like the proverbial potato, reading about Brad and Angelina’s pre-nup, I decided I needed physical activity more intense than turning the pages of a magazine. I also realized that unless I wanted more cozy evenings with my inquisitive neighborhood cockroach, I needed to clean. It’s an excellent way to burn calories without ever leaving the house. Here are the stats: 

Calories Burned: 

Mopping/sweeping: 220 

Painting: 135 

Scrubbing floors by hand: 400 

Vacuuming: 175 

Washing dishes: 120 

Washing windows: 250 

MORE WAYS TO BURN CALORIES AND FAT AT HOME: 

Canned soup: a Depression necessity. Even rinsed out milk containers or soda bottles can become effective weights when filled with water. Take a look around your pantry or recycling bin to see what’s available. 

Define your deltoids in a doorway. Say goodbye to upper-arm flab by toning up your deltoid muscles (upper-arms). Just stand in any doorway with your arms at your sides. Then, with palms facing out, brace against each side of the doorway and push. Hold for a few seconds, release, and repeat. 

Step up to stairway push-ups. For this exercise, it won’t be necessary to get down on the floor like you do when performing traditional push-ups. While standing at the foot of the stairs, reach forward and position your hands on the step that will allow you to push off while keeping your elbows shoulder height. 

Tush-tone with a chair. Stand in front of a chair or stool and take turns with each leg by standing on one foot while ‘stepping’ on the chair with the other. You’ll feel the ‘burn’ in your butt in a matter of minutes with this simple exercise.

Style File: Winter Wrap-Up

Even the Fug Girls will readily admit that a pair of black, opaque tights are the must-have winter accessory. They are perfect: slimming, flattering, warm. But what about the rest of your wardrobe? There's a tendency in winter to start sporting "MacGuyver for Armani" hopelessly-tent-like blankets. A bit of careful draping is always nice, but a full set of drapes, like some kind of misguided Scarlett O'Hara reference, is not. 

Wraps are the answer. Wrap dresses, wrap sweaters… they flatter women of all sizes, and most importantly, they’re a must-have for Pink Patch girls: they can be adjusted as your size changes. Eventually, of course, you’ll need to start replacing, but during the time it takes you to reach your goal weight, wraps won’t let you down. 

Given the state of the economy (broke), I’ve restricted my picks to affordable retailers. I can’t stand fashion blogs that throw gorgeous dresses in your face and then tell you that they cost upwards of $100. Also, I’d be a total hypocrite if I did that. The featured items come from Urban Outfitters, American Apparel, Alloy and Target. Too embarrassed to shop for clothes at Target, regardless of how flattering they might be? A., who gives a sh*t?, and b., if you do give a sh*t, just lie and say you got it somewhere else. 

Figure 1. Faux Fur Collar, Urban Outfitters, $28. I love faux fur; it’s classic Hollywood glamour and affordable at that (as well as being sensitive and caring to our friends in the animal kingdom, etc.). The beauty of this particular fur collar is its versatility and function: it will keep you warm, since it’s nice and thick, and you can wear it with a coat or a dress, or even jeans. It’s a lovely, elegant touch that will keep you warm in drafty offices and dive bars. It also gives you great scale in terms of the rest of your outfit (reread Style File: The Basics, for more on proportion and optical illusion). Note: For an even slimmer appearance, wear your hair up: it will lengthen your face and add even more simple, but dramatic glamour. The collar is also available in black and leopard-print. 

Figure 2. Wool Wrap Coat by Steve Madden, Alloy, $79.60. The simple cut: perfect, it will add length to your figure. The belt gives you a waist, and thus the classic hourglass shape – the curvy woman’s goal. The hood: when it’s down, it gives the coat a nice bit of drapery, and good proportion without being overwhelming. Also, hoods come in handy when there’s a sudden change in weather. This coat is also available in black (slimming for everyone), which might be the better option for you, since ivory clothes require a bit of upkeep. If you decide to go for the black, make sure your accessories (scarf, hat, gloves) are bright and solid colors (or perhaps with a simple pattern): it will add drama, a bit of chic, and will avoid making you look like a very classy undertaker. 

Figure 3. Interlock Wrap Dress, American Apparel, $44. I am PASSIONATE about this dress (I own 3 in different colors). The V-neck, A-line wrap dress: any woman of any shape can wear it, and look great. The ¾ sleeves are slimming, and they make the dress great for winter (with a scarf or cropped sweater) OR summer (with heels or even flip-flops). It can be dressed-up; it can be dressed down. It can be easily adjusted to fit your changing waistline. It’s available in a wide variety of colors, so choose carefully and pick the colors you know you look best on you (ask a friend if you’re not sure). This dress is also durable, and can survive any number of washing machine cycles. Note: the sizes are true-blue, honest-to-God; a small really is a small; a medium, a medium. But keep in mind that this dress is incredibly adjustable as you get smaller. 

Figure 4. Wrap Sweater by Mossimo Black, Target, $19.99. So versatile, so elegant, so simple. I like this pretty raspberry color, but it’s also available in midnight blue, ebony, “spice latte” and blue-gray. Make sure you click-through to the link; the website demonstrates 3 ways it can be worn: as seen in the photo above, it’s long and flowing, giving you inches in the height department, and minimizing your hips. It can also be draped over one shoulder, or wrapped-up tight, for when you’re ready. It’s also 100% cotton and will stand-up to any number of washes.

Ab Fab

As I wrote in "Happy Holidays?" keeping up with the gym in the wintertime is kind of a pain in the derriere. It's freezing out, and you think to yourself, "Screw it, everybody gains weight this time of year. Now, where is that chocolate eclair?"

At a time when you are stuffed full of gooey pastries and freshly-frosted cookies - at every turn, from office parties to actual parties to family dinners - the last thing to give up on is a little workout. For one thing, it will make the inevitable "OMG-it's-almost-bikini-season-and-I-need-to-lose-half-my-body-weight-in-3-days" March weepfest much more bearable. For another thing, you can snicker (silently, of course) at the girls who suddenly start behaving like fasting Buddhist monks.

SO. Step 1: the Pink Patch. Step 2: Follow the tips below. They aren't the equivalent of a full-body workout, but they will help keep your tummy trim through the winter months - and you won't have to freeze like an ice cube. Throw in 10 - 15 ordinary crunches a day, and you'll be golden.

EASY + SIMPLE WINTER AB-QUICKIES

- Drink water instead of soda and fruit juice. Yes, it's old news, but it's also smart and easy news. Sugar will add pounds to your tummy. Even just diluting your juice with water will make a difference.

- Perform a legs-up crunch. Lie flat on the floor, and rest your legs on something high enough to allow for a 90 degree bend in your knees (like a chair or the sofa or your bed). Fold your arms across your chest and curl up slowly. Don't come all the way up - pause holding your back slightly off the floor. Hold that position, lower and repeat.

- Concentrate on sitting and standing up straight. This requires you to pull in your abs, and it strengthens them naturally. It's also great for your back - if you have frequent lower-back pain, it's just another reason to improve your abdominals.

The Sweet Life, Part 2

With your trusty Pink Patch and these two diet-safe holiday treats, you won't miss out on any winter sweets! 

It's a rough time for any girl on a diet; you don't want to feel like the size of a Buick OR bring down the holiday cheer. 

Making your own desserts is also a crafty way of ensuring there's a healthy option for you at holiday parties and family dinners. There recipes make 4 servings each, but you can easily adjust them for larger groups.

Plums with Gingerbread Cream

per serving: 96 calories, 0 grams fat, 18 grams carbohydrate, 6 grams protein

4 ripe plums (you can buy them a day or two in advance to make sure they're ripe)

2 cups fat-free plain Greek yogurt (such as Fage)

2 teaspoons ground ginger

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

1/2 teaspoon cinnamon

1/4 teaspoon cloves

1/4 teaspoon nutmeg

Good quality brown sugar substitute (such as Splenda) to taste, plus extra for garnish

Juice of half a lemon

4 martini glasses

Cut each plum into 6 even wedges. In a bowl, combine yogurt, spices, extract and sugar substitute (as much or as little as you like - remember, it's sweeter than actual sugar). Whisk until well-combined (can be done one day ahead and refrigerated).

To assemble: spread about 2 tablespoons of sugar substitute on a plate. Dip martini glass rims in lemon juice, then in sugar substitute, so that the sugar substitute sticks to the glass (like salt with margaritas). Carefully layer 2 plum wedges and top with a few spoonfuls of gingerbread cream in martini glass. Repeat twice (you should have 3 layers of plums and 3 layers of cream). Serve and enjoy!

Rum-Glazed Bananas with Vanilla Frozen Yogurt

per serving: 321 calories, 5 grams fat, 44 grams carbohydrates, 5 grams protein

4 small ripe bananas

2 tablespoons butter

4 tablespoons dark rum

1 tablespoon good quality brown sugar substitute (such as Splenda), plus more to taste

1 pint fat-free vanilla frozen yogurt

4 strawberries

Slice bananas into even rounds, about 1/2 inch thick. Over medium heat, melt butter in a skillet, add bananas and sugar substitute. Cook 2-3 minutes, stirring twice. Standing away from the stove, add rum and cook until the mixture starts bubbling. Take the pan off the heat. Distribute frozen yogurt among bowls (about a 1/2 cup per person). Top with hot glazed bananas, and spoon some of the glaze over the dessert in a cross pattern. Top with a strawberry. Serve and enjoy!

Happy Holidays?

There’s nothing like cold weather to dampen your girlish enthusiasm for going to the gym (if you live in an area that’s cold in winter – if not, cry your river elsewhere and get to the gym.) Getting exercise during the winter months is about as attractive a large, agile cockroach – and you will also be haunted by endless, remorseless strings of holiday parties, where each wintertime treat is more tempting than the last. 

Thanksgiving was just the beginning. It’s a long way until March – and after New Year’s, there isn’t anything in way of bright, cheerful holidays, which is exactly why you should enjoy this time of year as much as possible. What’s more, developing healthy cold-weather habits NOW will only ensure that you’ll be able to get through these arctic months with only a little bit of added holiday weight. 

There’s no substitute for healthy food, exercise and the Pink Patch. It is, as they say, a winning combination. As I wrote in an earlier post, the Pink Patch won’t put a blindfold over your eyes or clip a clothespin to your nose – or push you out into the tundra to get to the gym. However, if you follow the advice below, you can turn the 10 lb winter weight gain into 5 lbs, or maybe even 2. 

Drink water like you’ve never drunk it before. Duh, you’re thinking. Except at this time of year, it’s really, really important. Aside from the obvious weight loss benefits (such as making you feel full and flushing your system), drinking larger-than-usual amounts of water will keep your skin from cracking and your lips from chapping. Think of the hours you spend in the office or in your apartment not going to the gym, with the heating vents or radiators chugging away. If you moisturize once a day typically, moisturize twice a day. If you have oily skin, consider investigating some of the lighter-weight moisturizers available. But drink twice as much water as you usually do. Since you’re spending so much time indoors, you’ll always have a bathroom close by. 

Take a short, brisk walk on every sunny day. Only 10-15 minutes; surely you can handle that. Bundle up like crazy – you’ll be dying for cool fresh air by the time you make it out of the indoors. Don’t give a moment’s thought to how you look: this isn’t a fashion show, and anyway, every sensible person will look like Nanook of the North too. On the snowy days (snowy, not blizzard-y), get into the holiday spirit and make like you’re in a Hallmark card. Even better, take a camera with you, so you can create unique holiday greetings for your loved ones – or even just to impress people. 

Try to do at least 10 crunches every day. You owe yourself that much, and you have no excuse not to. 

If you can do these things consistently throughout the winter months, you’ll be quite pleasantly surprised come springtime. Like I said, it’s no substitution for the gym, but you’ll look great, and you’ll feel free of holiday guilt.